


Moments

by Motodachi



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Mages (Dragon Age), Templars (Dragon Age), Transitioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Motodachi/pseuds/Motodachi
Summary: Fenris rushed to catch her as she staggered backwards on the stairs, losing her footing. He could hear the cheers and the Knight Commander announcing Hawke as their 'Champion' but it was irrelevant. Hawke was severely injured. It was his fault. He put her up to this. She tried to say something but was interrupted by a disconcerting gurgling sound.
Relationships: Fenris/Female Hawke, Fenris/Male Hawke
Kudos: 24





	1. Injury

**Author's Note:**

> May contain spoilers. 
> 
> Fluff from Dragon Age 2 in lack of a "camp" as in Origins. It's been years since I played the game so it might not follow the story or lore correctly. This is a work in progress so chapters will move around. 
> 
> Before you scream at me, there is no way to do transitioning and transsexuality correctly, it's up to the individual. This Hawke is miserable as a woman but as of writing this I have not switched pronouns until after Kirkwall, in the story "Lost".

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somwhere in year two in Kirkwall.

A flustered Bethany stomped into the camp to glare at her sister. Hawke didn't look up from her sword.

"What is it?"

"Nothing", she pouted.

"Alright then."

"I think I'm a pretty good healer", Bethany started. Hawke sighed. So that's what this was about.

"Just leave him alone. If he doesn't want help, then he doesn't."

"But why? It looks really bad. I could fix it!"

"No one is doubting your capability. He just doesn't like mages."

"What did I ever do to him? All he does is sulk and being rude! Why do you keep him around?"

"Not everyone will be your friend, Beth. It has nothing to do with you. If he's dying he'll come crawling, I'm sure."

"Can't you talk to him? At least he would let _you_ look at it."

"And what gives you the idea that I would have better luck?"

"You're not a mage for one", Bethany muttered. "Please?"

"Why do you care so much?"

"I don't!" Bethany wrinkled her nose. "I don't even like him! He's mean. I'm just trying to do my job. You said that I could come with you if I could patch up your team. But I can't do that if he doesn't even let me touch him."

Hawke pinched the bridge of her nose. She I _had_ said that. Never had she thought Bethany would take it so seriously. Convinced she would have turned back home at the first sight of battle. But she had kept pace with them, determined as ever. To be honest Hawke preferred her here rather than Anders or Merrill. Anders was a far superior healer than Bethany, but frankly she couldn't stand him. Merrill was just.. She used blood magic and she was not ready to get involved in that.

"Fine. I'll talk to him." She put her sword aside, she was done anyway. Got up and brushed the sand off of her pants. Bethany looked delighted at the prospect of not having to pester Fenris again. She shoved a bottle of alcohol and some dressing in her hands.

"He stormed off behind those cliffs."

She sighed. _Alright then_. She wasn't too familiar with their newest member. He was a very capable fighter and she was surprised he had offered to stick around. The problem was that he didn't get along too well with the rest of her crew. Mostly because they insisted on talking to him non stop. He didn't seem to like that. And he had strong opinions about some things, mages for example. She couldn't say she blamed him. It was understandable where the hate came from. She couldn't imagine being a slave. No matter how poor she and her family had been she had always had her freedom.

When she came around the corner of the cliffs Bethany had pointed out, the sight stopped her in her tracks. Fenris stood with his back turned to her in the shallow water. Pants rolled up and chest bare. The tattoos crawled along his legs and wormed their way down his back. They shimmered in the evening sunlight. There were also numerous scars from more than one whipping. She suddenly felt she was intruding, that she had seen something not meant for her.

She was about to turn around when he noticed her. She cleared her throat and looked away. 

"I heard you had a pretty nasty cut." She held up the supplies in her hand. "Beth wanted me to.."

Fenris said nothing. Slowly turned around and waded back to shore. He picked up his tunic and pulled it over his head.

"It's up to you. I'm not going to insist." He slowly walked closer. It reminded her of a wild animal. A sudden movement and he would be gone. 

"I can just leave these for you here and you can take care of it yourself." She peeked at his left arm. He had made an attempt to bind it with a rag. Blood was dripping along his hand. 

"Sit." To her surprise he did as she asked. She sat down on the flat stones next to him. He extended his hand with a wary look. "Can I take this off?" Fenris nodded. Hawke carefully took his hand and unwrapped his arm. Bethany was right. It looked really bad. How he wasn't running a fever she didn't understand.

"You tried to clean it with salt water", she muttered. "This is going to sting." She poured some of the alcohol over the gash to try to rinse out the dirt. At first there was no reaction from Fenris. He just kept looking at her. After a while he grabbed her arm to stop his hand from flinching.

Slowly and methodically she cleaned out his wound as best she could. It would take a while to heal. It ought to be cauterized or sown by someone more adept in this field than her. She could only offer the very basic field dressing. She made and improvised compression bandage, but didn't have enough to tie it down with. 

"Hold here." She instructed while ripping a few strips from her tunic. Tying it down with the red fabric. "Is it too hard? If your hand goes numb it's too hard."

"It's fine." It was the first time he spoke since this evening. "Thank you."

She looked up and smiled.

"I need you in one piece. Can't have you bleeding out before we get the job done." She patted the bandage. He looked down at her handiwork. "It's all done. You can let go now."

Fenris snatched his hand away as if he only now realized that he was still holding her arm.

"I saw your scars." Something dark came over Fenris and he looked away. "Not my place to ask, sorry. I shouldn't have walked in on you." She felt like she had stepped into forbidden territory and was no longer welcome. Gathering the supplies she had left she got up. "We have to change that every day. Come see me tomorrow." Just as she turned around to walk away he spoke.

"No one ever mentions the scars."

She turned around, but didn't know what to reply to that. He stood with his back half turned, and in the low evening sun he almost looked like some sort of wild spirit.

"As I said, not my place to ask." She wanted to earn his trust, not force him to talk about something that didn't concern her. "If you join us later there will be some food. Don't worry about Beth, she's just eager to earn her spot. If you get any bigger injuries however you might not have much of a choice than to let her heal you." 

She stole another look at the glimmering specter before she turned around and went back to camp.

* * *

"Ah, the brooding warrior joins us!" Exclaimed Varric in a theatrical tone. Hawke discretely kicked him in the shin.

"Here." She handed him a bowl as he crouched next to her. "There is some stew in the pot. Water is over there. Don't worry, Beth didn't make the food so it's edible."

"Hey!" Bethany stuck her tongue out at her sister.

Since Isabela wasn't there to rile up the party it was relatively quiet in the camp. Varric was entertaining Beth with short stories and gossip. Rally lay huffing in the sand at Hawke's feet.

"Joining us is optional." She added to Fenris. He was a person who never had a choice himself and therefore she was careful not to impose any restrictions more than necessary. Fenris avoided her eyes and ate in silence. Rally got up to sniff his plate.

"Hey! Go lie down." She snapped. With a dramatic whine he obeyed laying down in front of Fenris. The elf had stopped eating and was looking transfixed at the mabari. She was about to make Rally move when Fenris put a hand on the dogs head. Rally wagged his tail.

"A fascinating breed. I've heard they choose their master."

"Master?" Hawke snorted. "Sometimes I'm not sure who's in charge." She lovingly gazed at Rally who basked in the attention. "But you could not find a more loving and loyal friend." As if the mabari had understood he bounced up licked Fenris in the face and then proceeded to wiggle around Hawke to lick her face too. "Hey, hey!" She laughed as the snuggle turned into a tug of war over a stick. Eventually Rally won and triumphantly ran a few laps around camp only to end it with a tackle. "Alright, you win!" She lay defeated trying to ward off the dogs tongue. "Ugh, you stink."

When she finally got up again Beth and Varric already had rolled them selves up in their cloaks by the fire. She should do the same. She was exhausted. Fenris was poking the fire with a stick and didn't seem to have any plans on leaving.

"Will you stay here then?"

He nodded.

"The camp is warded, you don't have to stay up."

Rally came panting chewing his stick and slumped down next to Fenris. His initial expression of annyance softened and he scratched the mabari behind the ear.

"I tend to not sleep a lot."

"Alright. As long as you don't fall over tomorrow. Remember we have a job to do."

"I will try not to disappoint."


	2. Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Hadriana. Fenris walks off for a couple of hours to clear his head but returns to camp as they are too far out to just wander back to Kirkwall.

The evening was warm and seagulls floated care free above the calm water. The low sun drenched everything in a bronze. As she emptied her flask she saw a tall slightly hunched shadow was making it's way up to her perch. Fenris. Who else would join her pity drinking? He slumped down next to her on the cliff. Without a word or looking at each other he handed her a bottle.

It's like you know me, she thought.

She took a huge gulp out of the bottle regretting it instantly almost choking. This was not the three copper Darktown piss she was used to.

"Bad?" He asked.

"Potent!" She managed, wiping the tears from her eyes, trying not to suffocate. "What the hell is this stuff, you could have warned me it was strong enough to knock out a horse!"

Her attempt to joke fell flat. There was no response either way. Fenris was staring out into nothing looking exceptionally miserable. She took a smaller sip. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she returned the bottle. He took a few sips. Running his fingers through his hair a few times, still saying nothing. She wanted to say something. Offer some sort of support. Letting him know she was still on his side. Without a clear idea of what to say she would end up rambling. Perhaps it was the buzz of the drink or the fact she was exhausted she started talking anyway.

"I.. uh. I'm sorry, Fenris. I'm sorry." She offered. "I feel like i let you down back there. I promised you one thing and it ended up differently." Silence. "If you came here to tell me you want to go separate ways I understand.. But I hope you're still with me."

In the corner of her eye she could see him shaking his head slightly. He handed her the bottle with a small nod as for her to drink. She was perfectly happy to hide her face in the bottle. She was not a talker. It was clumsy and she hadn't thought it through. After a sip or two she offered the bottle back but he shook his head. Instead he stood up taking a few steps forward. _This is where he leaves._ He didn't move. He just stood there looking at the sunset.

She put the bottle down on the ground next to her, closed her eyes and chuckled at herself. When had she become so attached. Leaning back on the warm stone behind her Fenris finally said something.

"Thank you."

"Mm? For what?" Her eyes still closed. The strong liquor really started to set in.

There was a long pause.

"I'm thanking you for saving me. From myself." Another long pause."Had you not been there I would have done something I would of regretted for the rest of my life."

"Don't mention it.." She mumbled, suddenly embarrassed.

They stayed silent for a long while. It was a comfortable silence. She liked that about him. As if he knew that company was enough, no need for unnecessary words.

"I'm not going anywhere."

His last words made lifted a huge weight off of her shoulders. Ever since he joined her little troupe he had been trouble. He had also been invaluable. It was nice to have someone to fight shoulder to shoulder with for these past weeks. Not that there was anything wrong with her other companions but they all lacked a bit of muscle - except Aveline. Her and Aveline just didn't work well together. Their technique was too similar and both wanted to take charge. Fenris was different. He complimented her rather than getting in her way. In a way it reminded her of her brother, Carver.

As the light slowly died in the east and the shrieking of seagulls became more distant she felt herself dozing off. Only a feint rustle of fabric revealed he had moved. Something warm brushed against her lips. A tentative kiss she instantly requited. Her eyes flew open. Fenris was already walking back to camp. What the hell kind of dream was that? Was it even a dream? Thankful the dark hid her flustered face she convinced her self she didn't think of the elf that way. _Nothing good would come of it._

"That's one way to thank some one I suppose." she muttered to herself and got up. The warm air was gone and she felt a bit stiff. _Bastard elf and his stupid fancy wine._ She sighed and followed his silhouette back to the dying fire Varric had left for them.


	3. Champion at a price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fight with the Arishok.

Hawke's face was covered in blood. Her arm had gone limp and she could barely hold on to her sword. The crowd gasped and the qunari shifted uneasily. The Arishok fell back onto the stairs. He was dead. She had done it! But at what cost?

Fenris rushed to catch her as she staggered backwards on the stairs losing her footing. He could hear the cheers and the knight commander announcing Hawke as their 'champion' but it was irrelevant. Hawke was severely injured. It was his fault. He put her up to this. She tried to say something but was interrupted by a disconcerting gurgling sound.

_No!_

He couldn't quite lift her in her full armour and he started tearing off her gloves and shin guards. Hawke was shaking.

"Stay awake Hawke!"

"Make room. Out of the way!" Aveline was at his side dispersing the crowd. "This is bad. Merrill, go get Anders, meet us at Hawke's house. Hurry!" The little elf was white as a sheet and scurried off. "You two." Addressing her guardsmen. "Escort her, let nothing stop you!"

In the mean time Fenris had gotten most of Hawke's armor off. He was glad Aveline was there taking charge. He had no idea what to do and was frankly terrified. Terrified of losing Hawke. Aveline grabbed his arm.

"Leave that on." He was about to remove Hawke's chest plate. "We don't know if that is the only thing keeping her insides.. on the inside." He felt the blood drain from his face. "Get up. Only worry about getting her to the house. Anders will meet us there. It's not too late. _Move_!"

He got up with Hawke limp in his arms and rushed out from the keep. Aveline was right behind him barking at anyone or anything getting in their way. He kept mumbling to Hawke to keep her awake. Afraid that if she drifted off, that would be it. She would never awake again.

* * *

"Hawke is, under the circumstances, fine. The wounds are healed and sealed but it takes a while for the body and mind to catch up when someone has been hurt this severely." The mage looked exhausted and disgruntled. "I don't understand this. You set her up with this duel that almost have her killed, still she asks to see _you_ first thing. If it was up to me I'd have you thrown out."

Fenris didn't swallow the bait to argue. She wanted to see him. He shoved Anders aside and closed the door behind him.

Hawke lay on her bed covered with a blanket. Her armor and bits of clothing lay strewn about the floor along with blood soaked rags. There had been so much blood. He was still covered in it from carrying her there. Hawke had her eyes closed. Fenris sat down next to the bed. He pulled up the blanket around her shoulders, afraid to touch her in case she was in pain. Hawke looked up. He felt a million things at once as he looked into her eyes.

"I thought I'd.." _lost you_. He had no right to say that. He had lost her three years ago and it was no one else's fault but his own. She could have died today and he would have stubbornly held on to things left unsaid. Why? Because he was scared he loved her and that she actually loved her back? He was such a fool to have squandered this. She had tried to talk to him when it was all too raw, and it had ended in disaster. He had clumsily rejected her. He had not meant to, but there was no other way she could have taken it. For a while they argued a lot. He had been bitter and lashed out, mainly angry at himself but taking it out on anyone around him. They had eventually found their way back to some normalcy, if you could call it that. Established some sort of friendship, but it wasn't the same. He was to blame for this.

Now was not the time, but he would talk to her. That he thought he didn't deserve to be loved, and it was better if she hated him. Tell her that if he could go back he would never have left. That nothing in this world would be worse than living without her.

"Thank you."

"For what? I was of no import in the duel or your recovery."

"For being here."

Disarmed by Hawke's words he just looked at her. He wanted to tell her so many things but was speechless. He wanted to hold her but was afraid it would be out of bounds before he properly apologized.

"I will stay for as long as you wish."

She found his hand and pulled it into the warmth under her blanket. His mouth went dry. He had given her no reason to be this nice and lovely to him. Yet here they were. He was determined to not run like a coward this time. That is if she'd allow him any second chances.

"What happened? I don't remember."

"I set you up to duel the Arishok in single combat, and he almost killed you.." He echoed the mages words.

"I remember that. There was no other way. I would have done it anyway. I meant after. What happened to the Arishok?"

_She didn't blame him?_

"You killed him."

"Good. Was afraid I blacked out before that."

"We would not be alive if that were the case."

"I remember you carrying me here."

"Aveline helped me get you here. Merrill got Anders. He healed you."

They had all helped. Aveline stopped him from removing Hawke's chest plate. 'We don't know if that is the only thing keeping her insides on the inside'. Aveline carried Hawke's things while she instructed her guard to escort Merrill to Darktown. She was much more practical and experienced when it came to situations like this. She had kept his head straight when he wanted to panic.

"I'm sorry."

"What for? You slew the Arishok and saved everyone in this city. You don't have to apologize to anyone!" He was almost angry at her, but reeled it back in.

"For scaring you. All I could think about when you rushed me here was that.. We never talked." Hawke squeezed his hand. He rather accepted that she could read minds than that she, despite all this, still felt something for him.

"I.. I'd like to have that talk. As soon as you are well enough."

Hawke seemed pleased at that and blinked sleepily.

"Will you still be here if I fall asleep?" Her voice was slurred. The healing had taken it's toll. He remembered the feeling still from the Deep Roads. The nausea and lingering pain. The mind not catching up to the fact that the body was mended.

"I'm here until you throw me out."

A hint of a smile lingered on her face as she fell asleep, still holding his hand.

* * *

"Go home Fenris."

"No."

"Go home and clean up, you are covered in blood!"

"I promised I'd stay."'

"I'll tell her. She will understand. And get some sleep while you're at it. You can barely stand!"

Aveline was right. He was about to collapse. He tried to protest but she simply shoved him out the door.

"Don't worry, she is safe. I'll tell her I threw you out."

He had lost track of time. It was dark outside. Had it been a couple of hours or a full day since he stepped outside Hawke's house. He had no idea.

He stumbled into his mansion and went upstairs. Caught a glimpse of himself in the cracked mirror in the hallway. He understood what Aveline meant. He was covered in blood, including a smeared hand print over his cheek. He touched it. _Hawke._ He swallowed. She was alive, she was safe, he reminded himself. But everything he had not allowed himself to feel since she almost died came bubbling up. Both panic and relief. He turned from the reflection and blinked away the tears.

He went out on the small enclosed yard and discarded his armour on the ground. There was a well and a washtub. While waiting for the water to heat up in the kitchen, he rubbed off most of the blood from his armor with cold water. A never ending stream of red trickling down the sewage drain.

After a long bath he went upstairs and collapsed on the bed. He had no idea how long he had slept, but right after he had woken up Aveline barged through the door. Telling him to at least put a shirt on, then proceeded with berating him for letting the mansion deteriorate - the neighbors were complaining. She had a different way of showing she cared.

"Oh, and Hawke is waiting downstairs."

"What!?"

Aveline looked more amused than she had any right to.

"She wanted to talk to you apparently. I'll better be going then."

He heard them greeting each other downstairs by the door. Fenris felt oddly nervous. When he went outside the room to look, Aveline was gone. Hawke stood at the base of the stairs. He realized what was off with this image. He could not remember when he had seen her without armour. A memory flickered by of their night together. He was thankful the foyer was dark and wouldn't reveal his flushed face. _Focus_. She was here. He had been determined to not run again, but he wasn't ready.

"I would have stayed but Aveline threw me out." He said walking down the stairs.

"I heard." She grinned.

"Already up and walking?"

"Barely. I just can't stand people fuzzing over me so I thought.. I'd come here." She hesitated. "If that is alright with you."

"Come." He helped her up the stairs. Her gait was stiff and she was visibly taken by the whole ordeal.

"Maker, It feels like my whole body is a bruise." She groaned sinking down into an armchair in front of the fireplace.

"You still need rest."

"Oh yeah? I recall telling you that once when you were recovering. How did that work out?" She scoffed. She was talking about the Deep Roads.

"Not very well, as I recall. Point taken."

She noticed the letter on the small table next to her and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I teach you to read and write and now you do long distance correspondence?"

He hastily gathered the parchments ready to change the subject. No. No more secrets. If he ever wanted a chance again he couldn't shut her out of his life. Aveline had not just been there to reprimand him. She had also brought information about an elf matching his sisters description on a ship here in Kirkwall.

"I found my sister." He explained how he had followed up on Hadrianas information and tracked his sister Verania to Menrathous. How he sent her coin to come meet him.

"Do you think Danarius is involved?"

"The more it seems Danarius doesnt know, the more certain I become that he does!"

"It sound's like trap." She pointed out.

"Come with me Hawke." He hesitated. "It would mean a lot to me. That's all I ask." He had no right to ask anything of her but it was worth a try. If it was a trap and Danarius was there he needed her to be there. He could not face him alone.

"Where is she?" Hawke made an effort to get up from the chair and her face strained with pain. He got up ready to catch her if she fell.

"You are in no condition to fight yet. She will be at the Hanged Man for at least a week."

"A week? Anders said I could expect to be back to normal in a month." His heart sank. 

"It can't be helped then."

"I'll be there." She leaned on him as he helped her out of the room and down the stairs. Her frail body didn't match the determination in her voice. The fact that she was willing to go with him anyway was enough, even if she couldn't.

"We will see." He tried.

She turned and grabbed his shoulder.

"I will be there."

He nodded in silence. He didn't trust his own voice. He handed her over to Aveline who had been waiting outside the door to walk Hawke home.

* * *

Four days later he was outside the Hanged Man. He had sent word to Hawke that he was going alone. He put his hand on the door when he heard a sharp finger whistle. Hawke was walking down the alley. She was in full armour, already strapping her shield to her arm. He could tell from her walk she was still sore but didn't let that stop her.

"Going without me?"

"Apparently not."

"Thought so." She grinned.

"Hawke are you sure.." He started. He almost got her killed once. If this was a trap.

"Don't start. It took me an hour to shake Aveline and Anders."

"You expect a fight?"

She shrugged as Varric and Merril silently joined them.

"If there isn't a fight I can always start one. Let's go?"


End file.
